Saturday, January 17, 2009

Let's Not Forget...

Dreaming big, there is something to be said for that. I have been lost in a whirlwind; lately I feel more like a Hurricane than a human being.

Megan came to visit. We spent most of our time together crying and consoling. First her, then me, then me again and again, then her. Then her again, and it all ended in one of the most intense "freak outs" I have ever had. I smoked too many cigarettes, I took too many shots. I punched the refrigerator as hard as my drunken fist could. I screamed at the top of my lungs. Anyone else would have institutionalized me but she walked over, quietly. She walked up to the the refrigerator and grabbed a picture, she ripped it off of the door and threw it to the floor. "I can't do it anymore. I can't do this anymore." She pulled another picture off of the refrigerator. In a rage, I tore every thing down. I fell to the floor sobbing. A mess of family photos, friends' drawings, fliers, and home-made magnets were lying all around me. Megan, crying with me and for us both, sat next to me. "It's O.K. to let go."

Sometimes it is O.K. to forget, to destroy, to collapse.

And to a friend, who might not understand and probably will never read this...
Start small. It all starts small. Everything will grow. No one starts out big. Time is essential.

1 comment:

  1. yes it is okay. i hate that we sometimes look at ourselves as less when we allow ourselves to respond to the shitty parts of life. it is more than okay to just let it go. we're too good and beautiful to carry that stuff. love you.