Monday, January 26, 2009


I live through the words of others. I thrive underneath the actions of others. I fear everything. Standing alone is not for me.

I felt legitimately angry; knowing why and accurately directing my anger. It was the first time in years. It felt incredible, I will never be able to describe that feeling.

I am so tired of the nightmares. I am so tired of waking you up, night after night. I am sorry for the eyeliner smeared on your pillows.

I feel so much more these days. I turned the heat off in my car, the sun was shining. It was warm on my face. I missed you, vitamin D. I saw a rainbow this afternoon.

Every word in this song has been dead on. So I listen to it on repeat. Over and over again.
Rilo Kiley
"The Good That Won't Come Out"

I do this thing where i think i'm real sick
But i won't go to the doctor to find out about it
'Cause they make you stand real still in a real small place
As they chart up your insides and put them on display
They'd see all of it, all of me, all of it

All of the good that won't come out of me
And all the stupid lies i hide behind
It's such a big mistake, lying here in your warm embrace
...I think i'll go out and embarrass myself by getting drunk and falling down in the street
You say i choose sadness, that it never once has chosen me
Maybe you're right

I never make much sense.

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