Been in a little bit of a funk this week, I suppose it happens to the best of us and I have chosen to blame PMS.

Wednesday was interesting, I may or may not have lost my cool and told off everyone in the clinic. I proceeded to make the three hour drive home in a fit of rage. It worked and they listened. Can't make everyone happy all of the time and if it takes meanness to defend yourself then so be it.

Anyway, I am hoping to be home on the 30th for good. It is very much necessary and needed at this point.

Beardfest tomorrow, put your smiles on.

I guess it has been a little while. As for me, life is good. I have been real life journal-ing, writing some random nonsensical free-form poetry, painting a lot, and have rediscovered my passion for charcoal and pastels. On top of it all I have an hour a day dedicated to meditation.

A clear mind, a stable body; brittle bones gaining strength, brain gaining power.

They set me free for 4 days and I am so very grateful. I have worked so hard over the past three weeks, I have dug so many graves. 1 day down, 4 to go. No complaints. A show last night, the lake all day. The sunburn on my shoulders reminds me of the better days. It is reminding me that the better days are back.

Where I am now is a place I never thought I'd see and I've given up on all of my giving in.

I have established a self-declaration of independence, freedom, free-will. UNITY without CONTROL. I am learning that striving for freedom is only enslaving yourself to the concept and an idealistic future that may never come. Freedom has been here all along, I just needed 23 years and extensive psychotherapy to figure that out.

Tonight, we rock hard. And tomorrow. And Sunday. Monday it is back to treatment, back to reality, back to learning. But for now I can embrace all that I have achieved and hold the ones I love closer than I ever have before. This Is Real.