I have spent the past three hours watching ways the earth will eventually be destroyed on the history channel. There was a 30 minute break for some giant, man-eating, fresh water fish. Comforting.

Now I am starting to believe that Yellowstone Park is going to go up in hot, liquid, firey lava and burning goo in 2012. That is how Quetzocaotl will return. In a fit of molten glory. This is just one more reason to get that RV by June. I want to see Yellowstone before it is blown up by the inner fury of the earth.

Say what you want, but no one really knows. I read a friend's blog this morning. She wrote about death; losing another friend. Invincible we are not. I do not want to spend my days working, slaving, sulking, not seeing all there is to see... I have no idea how many days are left. For me, for you, for us all.

It is not that I am in a bad mood, and I am by no means trying to be morbid. I just really want to have the fullest "human experience." At 23 I already feel like I have one foot in the grave. Maybe it is worth arguing, but I have had mortality thrown in my face.

There is so much more out there... what am I still doing here?

Enough is enough...

Things always seem to fall together when you expect them to the least. That being said, nothing seems to be working out these days.

I have resorted to way too much chocolate, way too little protein, and way too much booze. So this is life. Meh.

I have been sulking in loneliness and self-pity, which is all-around ridiculous. The fact is that on a good day I am a babe and on a bad day, well at least my mirror stays in one piece. Things could be worse. I am constantly surrounded by beautiful people who I love and who love me. In all reality... things have been worse. So what the hell?

I think I just need a dildo. Or a heated blanket. Or both.